A Dirty Ditty from The Gippsland Farmer Poetry Competition

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A New Loo

Farewell my old dunny, farewell and adieu,
‘Cos we’ve got a septic and it’s better than you.
I’m sorry my old friend that you’ve fallen from favour,
But a new plastic seat my old bum will soon savour.
And no more will I sit here fighting blowies away,
I’ll soon kill them all with an aerosol spray.

Now we’ve got a toilet that we’re able to flush,
And it lets in the water with a whoosh and a rush.
The plumbing and decor have all been designed so that
even the tissues are color combined.
Oh, it’s such a joy to sit over that bowl,
Without having to worry about what’s down the hole.

We’ll have in the neighbours for afternoon tea,
And feel so proud when they go for a pee.
We’ll have cucumber sandwiches and put on the style,
‘Cos we’ve got a septic, with bright shiny tiles.
When the guests have all gone and we’ve cleaned out the loo,
With Jiff, or new Ajax, then we’ll use it too.

We’ll have super soft tissues and a cute little doll,
That mum’s making up to disuise the old roll.
In the top of the cistern we’ll put Harpic Blue.
That will look so pretty as it swirls ’round the loo,
Or maybe we’ll use teabags then, after we wee,
It’ll look like we’re flushing with Lanchoo tea.

We won’t have to worry about the unpleasant smells,
We’ll just use some chemicals that makes them dispel.
So farewell my old dunny, I must bid you adieu,
‘Cos we’ve got a sceptic, that’s brand spanking new,
But maybe in the future, when you’re not so full,
Just for old time’s sake I’ll pay you a call.

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